Purpose in the Fall

How vast and indiscernible a concept to the godless. I know because I have been there. Not too long ago in fact. I can remember not even a year ago, speaking to my mum and saying “I feel like I’m just waiting to die.” Without purpose in life, what is there to live for? We all know that death is inevitable. With all the suffering and the hurt, you have to ask yourself: what’s the point?

I grew up in a Christian family, however; I would say I stopped following the beliefs and had a severe misunderstanding about who God was and who He wanted me to be. My ambition was small, I never aspired to be anyone or anything great. I still believed in God but denied his power. In my point of view, life didn’t seem to make any sense. Everyone grew up, went through school, found a career, then a spouse, had children, retired and died. It was the American Dream. That one goal that everyone aspired to attain so they could look back and say they lived a “full life.” I didn’t get it, and quite frankly, I didn’t care. I took all the maths and sciences in high school but never used them. I tried to go to college but had no interest. At 19 I found a job that paid decent and moved out. Over time I accumulated more and more stuff. Junk really. I developed a bunch of hobbies. They are fun, but they aren’t purpose driven. At 22, I had moved into a new place. It was comfortable and nice. I had everything I felt I wanted or needed, but I was depressed.

I didn’t know what was wrong. I felt something was desperately missing from my life. Not a career, or a girlfriend, or more stuff could fill the meaninglessness of it all. I could look at everything and watch it disappear and my life would feel exactly the same. I began to have suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. I didn’t know what the point of it all was! I began to search more closely for God, and one day, when I decided to go back to church, I found Him. I was asked to consider whether I was living for God or myself, and in my head I knew, I was living for myself, and in my heart, God spoke to me and said “You know this to be true.” It was at that moment that I began to understand everything I was doing wrong. I began to understand how selfish my life was. I knew that there was something more out there, a life I could have that meant something. God showed me how much I needed Him; that without Him my life meant nothing and would be wasted. Once I understood it’s not about the job, or the house, or the money, or the stuff, or the girl or anything else, I could clearly look at Jesus, and say “it’s all about you.”

God has shown me a broken and suffering world; a world that needs Him above all things. When Jesus died on the cross and rose again, he said to his disciples “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized with be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” God has brought me to a place and given me a passion and ambition to show others how much love Jesus has for each and every person. He has given me purpose; to speak to the world about the righteousness and justice of God, so that they might understand that every person has a calling to show others what really matters in this life.

~ Ryan Brooks, Calgary CA